April 12th

There was an instance where I felt both as an insider and an outsider at the same time. I consider myself a Catholic of primarily Hispanic ethnicity, however, I do not attend church very often. One day, I attended church with one of my Caucasian, Christian friends back home. Although I didn't feel uncomfortable because the individuals there were awfully nice, I felt as if I would I would definitely blend in more with a Hispanic, Catholic crowd; I felt like an outsider. However, the next week, when I went to a Catholic church, I was surrounded my individuals of my culture. To my surprise, I was in awe when I felt more uncomfortable and ignorant in this Catholic church than the Christian church. Although I felt like I could relate to many of these individuals ethnically, I could not relate to them religiously. I was less knowledgeable in my religion than I ever believed. I felt like an insider but at the same time felt like an outsider who had, for the first time, walked into a Catholic church and heard people preach and pray.

There have been various situations where I have accentuated different parts of my identity. Although I do not stress the fact that I am of Salvadorian, German ethnicity very often, when asked, I do let people know these two characteristics that belong to me. Many presume I'm of white descent because of my physical appearance and my last name (Gerstenacker), therefore I find myself correcting people very often. When it comes to identifying myself as a specific religion and strictly living for those standards, I'm not too attached. Don't get me wrong, I have been baptized as a Catholic and believe in God but I do not attend church and practice the religion as much as I did in prior years. When identifying myself, I often turn to music. Although I'm not too familiar with music from other parts of the world, I am very lenient with the music I am willing to absorb. Because of my parents' ethnic background, I have been able to listen to some Spanish music by modern artists such as Celia Cruz, Juan Gabriel, and Luis Miguel. Reggaeton has also become very famous among the American music crowd recently and I enjoy this as well. Because I am lenient with the music I am willing to listen to, I believe my personality and identity are reflected accurately. Music helps identify certain characteristics of my personality.

I have listened to music in completely different environments. In a night club, all types of modern, popular music are played very loudly. The music is intended to energize individuals and initiate provocative dancing. Most of the time, the people in this night club are drinking liquor and just looking to have a great time. In contrast, at a church, when there is a musical band playing religious music, the effect is different. People are not dancing sexually and are not committing acts which would be considered sinful in a church. The crowd is calm and praying to God. The music, as well as the environment which it is played in, reflects the surrounding event.